I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
