It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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