I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
