I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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