At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
