it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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