how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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