she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
