I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
