My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
