He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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