He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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