She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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