Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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