I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
