Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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