I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
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I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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