I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
