# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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