I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
