Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
