We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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