watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
