If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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