The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
