sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
