And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
