Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
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Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
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Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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