Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
