I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
