I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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