I wish I only lived at night.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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