my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
