Your mouth is God's brothel.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
