I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
