The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
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