So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
