watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
