I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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