haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
