I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
