I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
