my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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