Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
