All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm drive I can fine osifer
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize