garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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