apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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