it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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