Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
