found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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