and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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