mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
