I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I want to fling myself into the sun
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
