final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
