Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
