quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
