just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
