How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
