Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
