i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
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Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
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I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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