Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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